Mom's Crayon's Page

Precision is key. I’m pouring the fluid into a measuring cup, my concentration absolute. Slowly the liquid reaches the 2 ounce mark…then the 4 ounce mark…then the 8 ounce mark. Perfect. I transfer the cup’s contents into a cup. Now I know that that vessel holds exactly 8 ounces.

Is the liquid medicine? Is it a highly-concentrated explosive? Nope. It’s a $5 bottle of wine. But I’m on Weight Watchers. And every thing I put in my body…

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Here's an excerpt of an email sent last night by the directors of The Livingston Soccer Club:



"All LSC Parents/Coaches, and Players:



We are now more than halfway through our regular season, with just three more weekends to go. We trust that everyone is having a great time, and we certainly see many happy faces as we visit our fields every weekend.



There is, however, one group of participants that are not having the same level of enjoyment ... and that is our… Continue

I have a mean little girl inside my head. She whispers things like: You're fat! You're A fake! You're a lousy mom! You're a rotten person, so no wonder you don't have more friends! You yell/eat/watch TV/loaf around too much! I HATE HER!



So when I was invited to participate in the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse, I was intrigued. They claim they can help me "stop feeding (my) inner critic and start nourishing (my) inner wisdom." Right on! I'm ready for change. I just started… Continue

I was one of those rare women who never wanted children. Didn’t know a thing about kids. Didn’t want to. Honestly, didn’t see what the big deal was about kids. Everyone looked at them as if they were miracles. They subjected themselves to the tyranny of these little megalomaniacs who wanted everything NOW. I mean, adults who wielded power over millions of dollars, doctors who saved lives, allowed themselves to be at the beck and call of two-feet tall midgets. Why? How stupid were they?… Continue

Every Mother’s Day for the last ten years, my husband has asked me what I want. EVERY year I’ve said the same thing: sleep. And he always tells me “that’s too expensive” and buys me something instead. The gifts are very nice and much appreciated, but I’m starting to see that I’ve got as much chance of getting sleep as I have of getting Sofia Vergara’s body (she’s the very hot mom on the TV show Modern Family).



So here, for all the world to see, is what I want for Mother’s Day… Continue